Doing a good old-fashioned old guy rant in old-time Phoenix


With age comes wisdom, which I'm discovering, along with a fair amount of crankiness, which I'm also feeling. And while I've never been a person who does a lot of ranting, and have never really spent a lot of time around ranting people (my nervous system can't take it!), I can appreciate that every once in a while, it's nice to do a good old-fashioned old guy rant. I'm pondering it now, and thought that it would be more fun to time-travel back to Phoenix in 1911, and do it there. I figure that this article from the newspaper is a good place to start. Come on!

"Well, morning there, Zeke!" 

"Morning Jedidiah!"

"What do you think of them dern fools getting ready to do the pavin'?"

"Dang fool nonsense, I say! What does Phoenix need with paved roads? Waste of taxpayer money, I'd say! We've gotten along fine since 1870 without paved roads, what makes them think we need 'em now?

Yessir, I was there when old man Hancock laid out the town, and I'm sure that dirt roads were good enough for him. Adobe buildings, too, just like Jack Swilling had! That's what's wrong with the world today, no respect for tradition. Give me a nip off'a that flask, will ya, there pardner?"

Hay-boy-gee, that there is an eye-opener! Smooooth! (cough, cough). And what's this nonsense about throwing away perfectly good street names and replacing them with numbers! Hancock would just roll over in his grave! First street! Seventh Avenue! I never heard such nonsense in my life! I'll be using the original names, and if people don't like it, well they can lump it!"

For the most part, I've found old guy rants to be pretty harmless, and it does seem to provide many hours of entertainment for people who enjoy that kind of stuff. A little bit goes a long way with me, and I will tend to wander off from people who are ranting. If I stick around too long, I'll spoil the fun by making practical suggestions, and who wants that during a perfectly good rant? It's really just supposed to be sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Thank you for joining in an old guy rant with me in Phoenix today!

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