Being a grim person in California

If you've never heard the term "grim", as opposed to "gay", it's not surprising. I only saw it once in an article that I was reading when I lived in Los Angeles, and it just stuck in my head as too perfect. And somehow, it's made hearing the word "straight" seem kinda strange, as if gay people were all crooked, or something. I'm a grim, and I'll see if I can explain.

I moved to Los Angeles when I was 25, and it was absolutely overwhelming for me. I grew up in a quiet little middle-class neighborhood in Minneapolis, and then I went to college at Arizona State. My intention when I graduated was to go and see what the "big city" was like, and for me there are only two big cities in the U.S. - New York and Los Angeles (sorry Chicago!).

I tell people that while I grew up in Minnesota, I came of age in California. And believe me, if you're a midwestern boy on your own, standin' on that California coast, it's quite an adjustment. But it's something that I wanted to do, and I did it.

There were, and still are, a LOT of gay people in California. And these people have been "out of the closet" for a very long time. When I lived in Los Angeles, no one was squeamish about it. Women would come right out and ask me if I were gay. And it wasn't just because I was slender and neatly dressed (not that there's anything wrong with that!), it's just a matter of fact. When gay men asked me if I were gay I would simply say, "no, sorry". I remember the wistful looks I got, but that's just the way it is.

When I moved to Arizona, I realized that it was still very taboo, and was something of a game. No one seemed to be able to come right out and say that they were gay, and since Arizona, like the rest of the world, has plenty of people who aren't "grim" (see first paragraph), it just made finding romance (already a very difficult thing) even more difficult.

I learned a lot of things in California, about different people, different cultures, all kinds of things. And I definitely learned that there is no such thing as "gay-dar" (as if gay people just automatically recognized other gay people by something like radar). There's just a world of people who are seeking love and romance, gay and grim.

You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs.
I look around me and I see it isn't so.
Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs,
And what's wrong with that?
I'd like to know.
'Cause here I go again!

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